"Going vegan isn't going to make companies kill any less animals" tweets man who is cooking a whole chicken carcass in his oven

"Going vegan isn't going to make companies kill any less animals" tweeted @WaheyBanter96 yesterday dinner time, after placing an entire decapitated chickens body onto an oven tray, ready to cook it.

Brad Thomas, who goes by the Twitter name @WaheyBanter96, has always had it in for "those f**king vegans." In fact, Brad regularly tweets about veganism and how stupid it is, because, as he puts it "You shouldn't be telling anybody what they can and cannot eat. Get some bacon in you."

We caught up with Brad in person, after he had just finished eating a literal bucket of battered chickens flesh, to ask him about why he thinks being vegan is unhealthy.

"So yeah, it's unhealthy. We need meat, don't we? I mean. It's evolution, isn't it... Those cavemen probably didn't eat... What vegans eat."

Brad went on for quite a while about how basically every vegan supports PETA and hates humanity. We attempted to engage in some sort of discourse with him, but ended up running out of time.

If one thing is clear from all this it's that Brad, as a unique social critic, has ideas of great value to add to the debate on animal agriculture. One can't help but imagine him turning his 140 character tweets into a New York Times bestselling book in the near future, and we did mention this to him.  To help our readers get a sense of Brad's vibrant personality, in case his name pops up in the near future, we thought it would be illuminating to feature his actual Twitter bio, which currently reads:

#Lad #Sesh #KFC #UNILADJournalist  Newcastle upon Tyne


What an intellectual powerhouse this man is. Watch out VEGANS!

Florida man admits to liking tofu after learning that "You can't just whop it straight into the pan and hope for the best."

An omnivorous male from Tampa Florida has begrudgingly admitted to liking tofu after a vegan friend told him how to cook it, explaining "You can't just whop it straight into the pan and hope for the best."

"I could tell that Jeff had no clue about cooking when he told me that he'd been using silken tofu" explained Sarah. "That's rule number one with tofu" she continued, "Don't buy silken. Nobody, I mean absolutely N-O-B-O-D-Y has the slightest clue what silken tofu is used for. Like literally, I'm pretty sure these silken tofu companies would have gone into liquidation years ago if it wasn't for brainless little man-children like Jeff."

"As I wrapped the tofu in a dish cloth he just stared at it like I was doing some fucking next level Harry Houdini shit." "When I started," Sarah paused. "When I started piling heavy books on top of it... Well... Jeff was dumbstruck. I think he'd concluded that I was building some sort of flood defence system."

"Anyway so I unwrapped the tofu half an hour later and started cutting it up into rectangles - he was fine with that... I heated up some oil in a pan... Again, no confusion there. Then I started adding some smoked paprika and salt into the pan..... I don't think Jeff had been prepared for that moment." "You have to season it Jeff!" I explained. "Oh" said Jeff, looking gormless. "I don't think he'd quite grasped the concept of 'seasoning'..."

"Long story short, I kept frying it until both sides were golden brown and he was quick to try some." "I asked him if it was alright and he just nodded." "I said 'Is it alright Jeff? Do you think it's good?'" "The gentle soul couldn't help but let out a little grin. It felt like charity work cooking for him."

"I could tell he wanted to say something" Sarah concluded, "but his male pride must have gotten the better of him because he just stood there, nibbling away at it." "Looking back on it though, I think I may  have seen a little glint in his eyes which sort of said 'It nice.... I mean... It not dead body but it nice!' "